People often tell me in coaching sessions or on training programmes that they need to set more boundaries with other people.
They are often drowning in messages, back-to-back meetings, and a to-do list that seems to grow by the minute? The modern workplace can feel like a never-ending ping-fest — Slack, Teams, emails, “quick questions,” and surprise calendar invites.
It’s easy to blame the system.
But here’s a truth bomb: boundaries at work don’t start with your boss or your team. And at home they don’t start with your partner or loved ones.
Boundaries start with YOU.
Are You Being Reactive or Intentional?
A lot of boundary-blurring behaviour begins with our own reactivity. Do any of these sound familiar?
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You reply to messages instantly — even when you’re in the middle of something else.
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You say “yes” before thinking if you actually have time.
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You check email first thing in the morning… and last thing at night.
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You accept every meeting invite as if it’s mandatory.
These habits create an “always-on” vibe — and guess what? People start expecting it. If you’re always available, you train others to treat your time as if it’s always open for business.
Boundaries Aren’t About Being Rigid
Setting boundaries doesn’t mean putting up walls or becoming difficult. It’s about clarity, consistency, and respect — for yourself and for others. You’re not just protecting your time; you’re protecting your ability to focus, do great work, and stay mentally healthy.
So Where Do You Start?
Here are a few gentle-but-effective ways to build better boundaries — starting with your own behaviour:
Technology is making it harder than ever to disconnect, but it might be easier than you think. To learn about setting boundaries, Adam talks with entrepreneur Arianna Huffington, leaders who have taken bold steps to ban emails at odd hours in their workplaces, and an FBI hostage negotiator who has surprising advice on saying no.
1. Notice Your Triggers When are you most likely to say yes when you mean no? Or jump into reactive mode? Start paying attention. Awareness is half the battle.
Try this: When a message comes in, pause. Ask yourself: Does this need an immediate response? Or is this just my “must-respond-now” autopilot kicking in?
2. Use Delay Tactics (The Good Kind) You don’t have to respond right now. And you don’t have to give an answer immediately.
Try this: Say, “Let me check my schedule and get back to you.” This buys you time and puts you back in control.
3. Create Communication Agreements Talk with your team about expectations. When is it okay to message someone? What’s urgent vs. what can wait?
Try this: Set a Slack status like “Deep work — back at 2pm” or block focus time in your calendar so others can see you’re not available.
4. Redefine Responsiveness Fast doesn’t always mean better. Being thoughtful, accurate, and clear in your replies is just as valuable as being immediate.
Try this: Batch-check your emails and messages at set times, instead of reacting to every ping.
5. Model What You Want to See If you don’t want others messaging you at 10pm, don’t send 10pm emails (even if you’re working late).
Try this: Use delayed send or draft the email and hit “send” the next morning.
You Teach People How to Treat You
Every “yes” you say when you mean “I’m overloaded” sets a precedent. Every after-hours reply silently signals, “This is fine.” But here’s the good news: small changes in your own behaviour can shift the culture around you.
Start with yourself. Be clear. Be consistent. And give yourself permission to create space. You’re not just setting boundaries — you’re setting the tone.
